Realizing my desperate need for Him...

I'm not entirely sure where to start this blog as I believe that God has been working in the deep confines of my heart this past couple of weeks...  I came here with expectations, but I am realizing that He is the One who actually knows what needs to be addressed in my life.  Last week, we had a speaker from India who spoke on what it means to be a good steward of all that God has given us - not just in finances but in every area of our lives.  He talked about surrendering all of that back to Him and not allowing it to have a hold on us.  Yesterday, I began to read a book by A.W. Tozer and the second chapter is entitled "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing."  Repeatedly, I feel that God has bringing up this theme, and I am realizing there are some things in my life that I am desperately clinging to.  None of them are bad in of themselves, but somehow, they have taken a place in my heart that only God is worthy of.  All of us have aspects of our lives that are not fully submitted to the Father's care, but these also hinder us from truly knowing Him.  I desperately desire to know Him and to draw closer and closer to Him.  He IS the Living Water and the only One who fills, and He willingly offers those waters to us if we will just come to Him and drink.  I have been distraught because I feel that I am going through a period of almost agonizing purging, and I am realizing my total and complete dependence on God for my very life.  I keep asking Him how those things in my life can be stripped away in the midst of my weakness...  Yesterday, I had come to the end of myself and ended up desperately calling out to Him because I feel so at war with myself.  I want to do what is right, want to be fully submitted to Him, but my flesh is deadset against following Him that deeply.  After I was finished spilling out my heart, He filled me with a mysterious peace and I felt like He reminded me that His joy is my strength.  On the Sermon on the Mount, He says, "Blessed are those who realize their need for Him, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  My need is huge, my lack of desire is astounding, but my gracious God never lets me go.  How wonderful is it that we have a God who is not impressed by our strength and by our "good" prayers but one who just wants us to come as we are?  Even my desire is dependent on Him... I know that I long to be fully His simply because He put that longing in me, and He will be the One who gives me the strength to follow Him.  Yes, in these areas of my life, I will have to cling to Him in desperation... But I will refuse to stop pursuing Him until He has completed His work in me.  Praise God that as Philippians says, the work that He began in us, He will bring to completion.  He is good, and I will wait for Him with confidence and eager expecation...