The last few times I have written, I have been focused mainly on what I have been learning and where I have been challenged, but this week I want to focus on something different. This DTS has been nothing like I expected it, and I have been desperately asking God to do something in my life... To not allow me to come back from this place unchanged... Over and over again, my mind has been challenged, but I have felt a lack of transformation in my heart. In the last few days, I believe that God has been starting to answer my cries.
Over the course of my walk with the Lord, I have really struggled to see Him as my loving Father, and I have often been unable to fathom what that actually looks like. Even when I get a glimpse of it, it tends to flee away quickly, and I continue to strive after Him in all-consuming, exhausting attempts to "get to Him." I have struggled with Jesus' admonition to "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest..." because I feel that many times I am trying and trying but getting nowhere in my walk with Him. He has revealed bits and pieces of Himself that have blown my world apart, but the transformation seems so slow and painstaking at times that I can't help but wonder if anything actually is taking place. A couple of weeks ago, I heard a woman speaking about the Parable of the Weeds and about how oftentimes we expect to see fruit in our lives before we are even firmly rooted and established in who God is. This has been on my mind, and I have been asking for God to show me who He is so that I can truly reflect His heart. In the midst of my prayers, God has been slowly tearing away the hardness of my heart, and He is showing Himself as my Father in incredible ways.
For the first time in my life, I think that I am honestly feeling His pleasure washing over me. Isaiah 43 says, "Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I will give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life." How incredible is this??!! Our God, our Abba, has given us His Son and allowed us to be called His children! Have you ever really dwelled on this and believed this? The love of a perfect Father is unconditional, it never stops no matter how much we mess up, and it is absolutely unrelenting. It is tender yet firm. It demands obedience, not to take away freedom but so that we can walk in the freedom that we were created for... And the Father counts each child as precious.... I am realizing that I can believe that when He looks at me, He sees a precious daughter that He formed and molded with His own hands. His love for me cannot and will not change, and He will never leave me even if everything else crashes around me. He is strong enough for me, and He WILL NOT LEAVE! I am so blown away that He would speak these words to my heart, and I believe that this is just the beginning of the whispers... And He invites all of us to come to Him and to dwell in His incredible presence and to experience His fullness of joy!
Thank You, Father, that you are steadfast in Your love to me and that You never fail. Thank You that You won't give up on me and that You won't stop until I understand who You are. You never stop holding me, never stop pursuing me. You are firm from the beginning and the end, and You are greater than all of my stubbornness, all of my lack of desire, all of my selfishness and frustration. And when you look at me, You do not see my brokenness and failures, but You see me as I was always created to be. Thank You for everything You are in light of all that I am not. Thank You that I AM Yours!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
For this blog, I thought I would just share what I wrote in my journal last night... There is SO much that happened in Amsterdam - prayer and evangelism on the streets, talking with travelers in a youth hostel, painting at a ministry building, and having incredible time with my team... But I think the most important aspect is what I will share below. I realize that what I have written won't necessarily be popular or politically correct, but I have been SO struck this week by all that I have seen that I really felt the need to share it (not the original intention when I wrote this journal).
"How do I even begin to wrap up this week in words? Right now, I am on the train on my way to Biel, and I am exhausted. I feel like this week was just a whirlwind, and I have had no time to take it in at all. I am so glad to be on my way back as this city is... hard. Women sell themselves in window displays, men flock to gay bars, and the city reeks of pot. The spiritual darkness of the people looms over the whole city like a suffocating blanket - lust, anger, loneliness, and depression are all so thick that you could cut through them with a knife. Tourists flock to their destruction, believing it to be some kind of temporary salvation, but it only leads to further imprisonment. And behind every hopeless mask is someone dearly loved by God. But they either have no idea or they have refused Him. Tolerance is the only real master here.
In spite of this, I have also been so encouraged by the ministries that are taking a stand in this city. They realize that a clear distinction must be made between the light and the darkness, between good and evil. Every day, believers walk by the church that gave way to the immorality that exists today and it serves as a constant reminder. This church, right in the middle of the Red Light District, used to serve as a beacon of hope. Since Amsterdam was built as a port city, however, there were many sailors that visited and the men of the church became concerned that the sailors would come in and "steal" their wives, daughters, and sisters. To fight this, they instead chose to allow prostitution around the outside of the church building so that the sailors would go to them instead. One choice made out of fear and ignorance of human dignity... and the results are still causing total devastation today. That church is now a prayer ministry working for the redemption of those in the district, and the work that is being done there is bold and incredible. But how long has it taken, and how much damage has already been done? I guess I could easily describe this city as an example of what happens when believers give way to apathy and injustice. The Jewish memorials (the footprints of the Holocaust are all over here) also show the disaster that occurs when the Bride refuses to take an adament stand. We must change this. We cannot look the other way any longer and expect God's Kingdom to come on this earth. We can't be content sitting in the pews and forgetting what is right outside of our doors.
I found out this week that the U.S. has the second largest amount of child prostitutes in the entire world... So where are we as the Church? Where is our responsibility? We will be held responsible, and we can choose to either be like the church of Amsterdam that gave way to evil or to be like the ministries of Amsterdam that are there today. They are on the streets evangelizing, working with the prostitutes, and taking in the travelers in order to show them the hope of Christ rather than the death of a life without Him. One of the girls that I talked with is a Muslim who converted from Christianity... While I did not agree with her, she said something that caught my attention. She said, "I think the thing that is missing from Christianity is a fear of God." Maybe she has a point... Love and reverence for God must be paired. We praise God with noisy songs, but we forget that He has called us to be His hands and feet and to be people who ensure justice. The praise of ensuring justice matters more to Him than all of our worthless songs and prayers that we give simply because we desire to get "good feelings." This is exactly what angered God so much about Israel!
I believe that my generation wants to come before Him and to say that we have fulfilled His purpose for us and to know that we have risen up to be the beautiful Bride that He created us to be. So, let's rise up and fulfill the heart of God! Let's work together to bring His Kingdom on this earth instead of trying to have our relationship with Him in isolation... Let's allow His righteousness and redemption to reign on this earth! It's time to take what we know and to do something about it..."
Right now, these thoughts are not necessarily coherent or streamlined in any measure... I was so convicted this week about my responsibility in light of God's incredible grace, and I am still processing that. We serve an amazing God who is so in love with the whole world and who has a heart to see us reaching out to those who are oppressed and hurting... I think I am more grateful than ever before for this!
"How do I even begin to wrap up this week in words? Right now, I am on the train on my way to Biel, and I am exhausted. I feel like this week was just a whirlwind, and I have had no time to take it in at all. I am so glad to be on my way back as this city is... hard. Women sell themselves in window displays, men flock to gay bars, and the city reeks of pot. The spiritual darkness of the people looms over the whole city like a suffocating blanket - lust, anger, loneliness, and depression are all so thick that you could cut through them with a knife. Tourists flock to their destruction, believing it to be some kind of temporary salvation, but it only leads to further imprisonment. And behind every hopeless mask is someone dearly loved by God. But they either have no idea or they have refused Him. Tolerance is the only real master here.
In spite of this, I have also been so encouraged by the ministries that are taking a stand in this city. They realize that a clear distinction must be made between the light and the darkness, between good and evil. Every day, believers walk by the church that gave way to the immorality that exists today and it serves as a constant reminder. This church, right in the middle of the Red Light District, used to serve as a beacon of hope. Since Amsterdam was built as a port city, however, there were many sailors that visited and the men of the church became concerned that the sailors would come in and "steal" their wives, daughters, and sisters. To fight this, they instead chose to allow prostitution around the outside of the church building so that the sailors would go to them instead. One choice made out of fear and ignorance of human dignity... and the results are still causing total devastation today. That church is now a prayer ministry working for the redemption of those in the district, and the work that is being done there is bold and incredible. But how long has it taken, and how much damage has already been done? I guess I could easily describe this city as an example of what happens when believers give way to apathy and injustice. The Jewish memorials (the footprints of the Holocaust are all over here) also show the disaster that occurs when the Bride refuses to take an adament stand. We must change this. We cannot look the other way any longer and expect God's Kingdom to come on this earth. We can't be content sitting in the pews and forgetting what is right outside of our doors.
I found out this week that the U.S. has the second largest amount of child prostitutes in the entire world... So where are we as the Church? Where is our responsibility? We will be held responsible, and we can choose to either be like the church of Amsterdam that gave way to evil or to be like the ministries of Amsterdam that are there today. They are on the streets evangelizing, working with the prostitutes, and taking in the travelers in order to show them the hope of Christ rather than the death of a life without Him. One of the girls that I talked with is a Muslim who converted from Christianity... While I did not agree with her, she said something that caught my attention. She said, "I think the thing that is missing from Christianity is a fear of God." Maybe she has a point... Love and reverence for God must be paired. We praise God with noisy songs, but we forget that He has called us to be His hands and feet and to be people who ensure justice. The praise of ensuring justice matters more to Him than all of our worthless songs and prayers that we give simply because we desire to get "good feelings." This is exactly what angered God so much about Israel!
I believe that my generation wants to come before Him and to say that we have fulfilled His purpose for us and to know that we have risen up to be the beautiful Bride that He created us to be. So, let's rise up and fulfill the heart of God! Let's work together to bring His Kingdom on this earth instead of trying to have our relationship with Him in isolation... Let's allow His righteousness and redemption to reign on this earth! It's time to take what we know and to do something about it..."
Right now, these thoughts are not necessarily coherent or streamlined in any measure... I was so convicted this week about my responsibility in light of God's incredible grace, and I am still processing that. We serve an amazing God who is so in love with the whole world and who has a heart to see us reaching out to those who are oppressed and hurting... I think I am more grateful than ever before for this!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)