Last days in Bulgaria

Hello friends!

Amazingly, I have officially graduated from my Discipleship Training School, and I am geared up to return to the States in just a couple of days!  The remainder of my time in Bulgaria was FILLED with so much joy in seeing the Holy Spirit moving, and I have mountains of stories to tell.  I was able to start friendships with a few of the teenage girls on my street, and all of them are displaying a hunger for the Lord.  They are beautiful, and I am so grateful that the Lord allowed me to really get to know them.  I will miss seeing them at our front gate!

One of the moments that impacted me the most out of this whole DTS, however, came on the last day in Bulgaria.  My team decided to have a street party right outside our house for all our neighbors as well as all of the kids that we had met since our arrival in Sliven.  Our closest next door neighbor is a pimp, and I had been asking God for some way to share Christ with him, but it really never seemed like there was prime opportunity for it.  By the last day, I had shared my testimony several times and delivered messages, but I had never done a Gospel presentation and altar call.  The rest of my team each had gotten to do it at least once, but I hadn't and I honestly felt so incompetent to get up in front of a large group of people to share the message of salvation.  On the last day, we decided that we wanted to do one last presentation during the party and I felt like I needed to be the one to do it.  I hesitantly raised my hand to volunteer, but after a couple of hours, I asked my Campus Crusade friend to do it instead (I think he's done it about a million times).  He said he would, but all through the beginning of the party I felt like God was pushing on my heart to be bold, so I went back and volunteered once again.  I had no idea what exactly would come out of my mouth and was so afraid because our next door neighbor was standing outside as well, but when I got up there I just felt the Lord's presence SO strongly and He kept giving me the words to say!  As soon as the party was over, my team pulled me aside and told me that the next door neighbor had been on the way into his house when I started to talk but then he stopped and turned around and came back to listen to the rest of it.  I am so grateful because God LOVES this man, and he got to hear the message of salvation!  We have been working against trafficking while being in Bulgaria, and over and over again God keeps reminding me that His heart is for EVERYONE to be saved and to know His love.  It is my prayer that this message really touches this man's heart and that many, many lives are changed because of how Jesus transforms his life.  God is so good, and I am so grateful that He uses people even when they are uncomfortable and feel incompetent.  God speaks to and through all of His children!

As I am wrapping up my time here, I am still in the process of waiting to see what God has next for me.  I plan on spending more time in Colorado over the next year, but it has become even more clear that my heart is still very much for orphans under the poverty line to be placed into loving homes where they can learn about Jesus.  I know that the Lord will guide me step by step once I return home, and I would appreciate your continued prayers for Him to open up doors for me! 

I look forward to hearing from all of you and sharing more stories that celebrate all that God is doing!!  He is AMAZING!!!  Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement over the last six months... It has been such a pillar of strength for me! 

 

Blessings to all!

 

Tracy

 

Slava na boga! Praise the Lord!

Hello from Bulgaria!  Once again, I have no idea where to start on this letter.  God is AMAZING, and I have so much to share.  First and foremost, as of this Sunday, we have another sister in Christ!  We befriended this woman who was working at a restaurant we went to quite frequently at the beginning of our trip, and she immediately labeled us as her friends.  Gallay speaks very little English and is a struggling mom of four children (one of which is my age and has a baby).  Her husband is in jail, and she has had a rough life.  In spite of this, she was seeking answers, and when we invited her to church and gave her a Gospel tract, she told us that she wanted to come.  While at the church service, she heard the testimony of a visiting man who was a former drug addict, and it really touched her circumstances.  She went up to the front for prayer afterwards (with an iron grip on my arm and the arm of one of the other team members).  There, she was asked if she would like to receive Christ, and she responded with so much enthusiasm.  She said that for the last few months, she has heard something like a voice in her ear telling her to go to church but she always had to work.  Then we walked in the restaurant... It amazes me that God orchestrated His own personal voice, a new job at a restaurant, and two missions teams who were not even working together to show her His love.  Praise God!!!  As we leave to move on to the second city next week, please pray for someone to disciple Gallay.

We have also been visiting several different Roma villages to teach Bible lessons to children, play games with them, and sing with them.  They have been a huge source of joy for all of us.  In one of the villages that we visited, we were getting ready to leave and people began to bring their children up to us one by one and asked for us to pray for these children.  I don't think I've ever understood Jesus' statement that "Whoever receives a little child in my name receives me" quite so well.  I was so touched with compassion for these people, and this one moment has been foundational in this outreach.  These people indeed have the faith of children, and I know that God sees them.  It was such a privilege to be able to pray for them one by one...

As some of you know, our team has been working with a missionary couple here.  The woman really has had the prostitutes on her heart, and so our team has been meeting to pray for these prostitutes and going out to befriend them a couple of times a week.  We try to bring them little gifts and verses and then just get to know them some more.  They are beautiful, and it is our prayer that they are able to get out of this way of life.  The first time we went, we had a scare because the pimp chased us in the car for a few minutes.  God protected us, and I think that he now realizes that we are there to bring joy to the girls so he leaves us alone.  He drives by every time we are out, but he has not attempted to stop us again.  There are a few people who will be continuing this ministry long-term after we are gone, so please pray for safety for them and that more people from the Church will build these relationships as well.  These girls are God's precious creation, and it is our hope that they begin to see this as well.

It would be wonderful if you could pray for God to seal up all these meetings (as well as for a last Girl's Night that we are putting on for the youth group tomorrow).  We have met so many people on the streets and would love to be able to see more of them come to Jesus!  Personally, I would also ask you to continue praying for rest for me and for the rest of my team.  I have been stretched so much and I am truly realizing what it means to rely on God to be my strength DAILY.  I am having to depend on Him for this more than I ever have, and it's SO good but I need you to pray.  My team would also ask for prayers for boldness, unity, and health.  Half the team is struggling with health issues currently.  Finally, one of the parts on our vehicle was stolen last night.  The part costs between 400-700 Euro, and we can't drive without it. 

I think that's it for this letter.... There is so much more, but this letter would be massive if I didn't end it now. =)  I hope you all are doing well!

Bulgaria!!

Wow... It's already been three weeks since we left Switzerland!  I have had very little access to internet (and very little time), so I've been unable to catch everyone up on what is going on here.  Our team has been working with children in Roma communities, attempting "friendship evangelism" on the streets, partnering with a local youth group, and brainstorming ways to reach out to prostitutes.  The language barrier has been tough, and many people have automatically assumed that since we are from America, we are Mormans.  Our team is also getting some opportunities to give testimonies in the local church (praise the Lord for good translation).  Even though we are three weeks in, we are still really trying to find out how to best reach out to those in this culture.  I have been amazed at just how receptive people are to building friendships with us, and it truly has been a blessing.

This Easter weekend, a few of us went out to the ring road (the road around the city) to drop off some gifts to prostitutes who are dropped of on a daily basis.  We are trying to show them the love of Christ while we begin to build relationships with them, and we were able to hand out gifts to three of them.  The first one was really reserved, but at the next stop, the two girls seemed very happy and grateful to have someone come talk with them.  We had to leave quickly because a man pulled up and seemed extremely unhappy that we were there.  We got chased in the car for a minute, but God protected us.  It is such a privilege to be able to make contact with these women who are so loved by God and so unaware of it.  We desire to help our contact here to gain the trust of these women so that she can continue to invest in their lives, showing them that they are worth more than this.  A couple more of us will be attending a Women's Evangelical Alliance meeting on Saturday to discuss the issue of sex trafficking since it is SO common in Bulgaria (especially among the Roma).

I have also been very touched by the children here even though the language barrier has kept verbal communication to a minimum.  I am learning that God can demonstrate compassion and tenderness and love through other means, and my team is really enjoying our time spent just playing with the kids.  I received the amazing privilege of praying over a little girl named Minka a couple of weeks ago.  When I had my hand on her leg, she just smiled and then gently reached over and stroked the side of my face.  In a mysterious way, this one thing moved me more than words can explain.  I had been struggling before then because my "outreach" had been so different than what I expected, and there are many barriers that keep us from reaching out in the ways that we had anticipated.  When she did this, however, God just showed me that if He can reveal His heart through a simple action of a little child, He can reveal His heart through me as well.  I don't need to strive.  I just need to rejoice in the hope that I have in Christ, and He can speak because He created me.  It is my hope to grow in this and that others can as well.

My prayer for all of you back home is that you can just sit at the feet of Jesus and learn more of who He is.  As you fall more in love with who HE is, He will mold you and make you into the person you were created to be.  Fix your eyes on Jesus.  Blessings!!

The Love of the Father

The last few times I have written, I have been focused mainly on what I have been learning and where I have been challenged, but this week I want to focus on something different.  This DTS has been nothing like I expected it, and I have been desperately asking God to do something in my life... To not allow me to come back from this place unchanged...  Over and over again, my mind has been challenged, but I have felt a lack of transformation in my heart.  In the last few days, I believe that God has been starting to answer my cries.

Over the course of my walk with the Lord, I have really struggled to see Him as my loving Father, and I have often been unable to fathom what that actually looks like.  Even when I get a glimpse of it, it tends to flee away quickly, and I continue to strive after Him in all-consuming, exhausting attempts to "get to Him."  I have struggled with Jesus' admonition to "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest..." because I feel that many times I am trying and trying but getting nowhere in my walk with Him.  He has revealed bits and pieces of Himself that have blown my world apart, but the transformation seems so slow and painstaking at times that I can't help but wonder if anything actually is taking place.  A couple of weeks ago, I heard a woman speaking about the Parable of the Weeds and about how oftentimes we expect to see fruit in our lives before we are even firmly rooted and established in who God is.  This has been on my mind, and I have been asking for God to show me who He is so that I can truly reflect His heart. In the midst of my prayers, God has been slowly tearing away the hardness of my heart, and He is showing Himself as my Father in incredible ways.

For the first time in my life, I think that I am honestly feeling His pleasure washing over me.  Isaiah 43 says, "Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I will give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life."  How incredible is this??!!  Our God, our Abba, has given us His Son and allowed us to be called His children!  Have you ever really dwelled on this and believed this?  The love of a perfect Father is unconditional, it never stops no matter how much we mess up, and it is absolutely unrelenting.  It is tender yet firm.  It demands obedience, not to take away freedom but so that we can walk in the freedom that we were created for...  And the Father counts each child as precious....  I am realizing that I can believe that when He looks at me, He sees a precious daughter that He formed and molded with His own hands.  His love for me cannot and will not change, and He will never leave me even if everything else crashes around me.  He is strong enough for me, and He WILL NOT LEAVE!  I am so blown away that He would speak these words to my heart, and I believe that this is just the beginning of the whispers... And He invites all of us to come to Him and to dwell in His incredible presence and to experience His fullness of joy! 

Thank You, Father, that you are steadfast in Your love to me and that You never fail.  Thank You that You won't give up on me and that You won't stop until I understand who You are.  You never stop holding me, never stop pursuing me.  You are firm from the beginning and the end, and You are greater than all of my stubbornness, all of my lack of desire, all of my selfishness and frustration.  And when you look at me, You do not see my brokenness and failures, but You see me as I was always created to be.  Thank You for everything You are in light of all that I am not.  Thank You that I AM Yours!

For this blog, I thought I would just share what I wrote in my journal last night... There is SO much that happened in Amsterdam - prayer and evangelism on the streets, talking with travelers in a youth hostel, painting at a ministry building, and having incredible time with my team... But I think the most important aspect is what I will share below.  I realize that what I have written won't necessarily be popular or politically correct, but I have been SO struck this week by all that I have seen that I really felt the need to share it (not the original intention when I wrote this journal). 

"How do I even begin to wrap up this week in words?  Right now, I am on the train on my way to Biel, and I am exhausted.  I feel like this week was just a whirlwind, and I have had no time to take it in at all.  I am so glad to be on my way back as this city is... hard.  Women sell themselves in window displays, men flock to gay bars, and the city reeks of pot.  The spiritual darkness of the people looms over the whole city like a suffocating blanket - lust, anger, loneliness, and depression are all so thick that you could cut through them with a knife.  Tourists flock to their destruction, believing it to be some kind of temporary salvation, but it only leads to further imprisonment.  And behind every hopeless mask is someone dearly loved by God.  But they either have no idea or they have refused Him.  Tolerance is the only real master here.
In spite of this, I have also been so encouraged by the ministries that are taking a stand in this city.  They realize that a clear distinction must be made between the light and the darkness, between good and evil.  Every day, believers walk by the church that gave way to the immorality that exists today and it serves as a constant reminder.  This church, right in the middle of the Red Light District, used to serve as a beacon of hope.  Since Amsterdam was built as a port city, however, there were many sailors that visited and the men of the church became concerned that the sailors would come in and "steal" their wives, daughters, and sisters.  To fight this, they instead chose to allow prostitution around the outside of the church building so that the sailors would go to them instead.  One choice made out of fear and ignorance of human dignity... and the results are still causing total devastation today.  That church is now a prayer ministry working for the redemption of those in the district, and the work that is being done there is bold and incredible.  But how long has it taken, and how much damage has already been done?  I guess I could easily describe this city as an example of what happens when believers give way to apathy and injustice.  The Jewish memorials (the footprints of the Holocaust are all over here) also show the disaster that occurs when the Bride refuses to take an adament stand.  We must change this.  We cannot look the other way any longer and expect God's Kingdom to come on this earth.  We can't be content sitting in the pews and forgetting what is right outside of our doors.
I found out this week that the U.S. has the second largest amount of child prostitutes in the entire world...  So where are we as the Church?  Where is our responsibility?  We will be held responsible, and we can choose to either be like the church of Amsterdam that gave way to evil or to be like the ministries of Amsterdam that are there today.  They are on the streets evangelizing, working with the prostitutes, and taking in the travelers in order to show them the hope of Christ rather than the death of a life without Him.  One of the girls that I talked with is a Muslim who converted from Christianity...  While I did not agree with her, she said something that caught my attention.  She said, "I think the thing that is missing from Christianity is a fear of God."  Maybe she has a point... Love and reverence for God must be paired.  We praise God with noisy songs, but we forget that He has called us to be His hands and feet and to be people who ensure justice.  The praise of ensuring justice matters more to Him than all of our worthless songs and prayers that we give simply because we desire to get "good feelings."  This is exactly what angered God so much about Israel!
I believe that my generation wants to come before Him and to say that we have fulfilled His purpose for us and to know that we have risen up to be the beautiful Bride that He created us to be.  So, let's rise up and fulfill the heart of God!  Let's work together to bring His Kingdom on this earth instead of trying to have our relationship with Him in isolation...  Let's allow His righteousness and redemption to reign on this earth!  It's time to take what we know and to do something about it..."

Right now, these thoughts are not necessarily coherent or streamlined in any measure...  I was so convicted this week about my responsibility in light of God's incredible grace, and I am still processing that.  We serve an amazing God who is so in love with the whole world and who has a heart to see us reaching out to those who are oppressed and hurting...  I think I am more grateful than ever before for this! 

Realizing my desperate need for Him...

I'm not entirely sure where to start this blog as I believe that God has been working in the deep confines of my heart this past couple of weeks...  I came here with expectations, but I am realizing that He is the One who actually knows what needs to be addressed in my life.  Last week, we had a speaker from India who spoke on what it means to be a good steward of all that God has given us - not just in finances but in every area of our lives.  He talked about surrendering all of that back to Him and not allowing it to have a hold on us.  Yesterday, I began to read a book by A.W. Tozer and the second chapter is entitled "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing."  Repeatedly, I feel that God has bringing up this theme, and I am realizing there are some things in my life that I am desperately clinging to.  None of them are bad in of themselves, but somehow, they have taken a place in my heart that only God is worthy of.  All of us have aspects of our lives that are not fully submitted to the Father's care, but these also hinder us from truly knowing Him.  I desperately desire to know Him and to draw closer and closer to Him.  He IS the Living Water and the only One who fills, and He willingly offers those waters to us if we will just come to Him and drink.  I have been distraught because I feel that I am going through a period of almost agonizing purging, and I am realizing my total and complete dependence on God for my very life.  I keep asking Him how those things in my life can be stripped away in the midst of my weakness...  Yesterday, I had come to the end of myself and ended up desperately calling out to Him because I feel so at war with myself.  I want to do what is right, want to be fully submitted to Him, but my flesh is deadset against following Him that deeply.  After I was finished spilling out my heart, He filled me with a mysterious peace and I felt like He reminded me that His joy is my strength.  On the Sermon on the Mount, He says, "Blessed are those who realize their need for Him, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  My need is huge, my lack of desire is astounding, but my gracious God never lets me go.  How wonderful is it that we have a God who is not impressed by our strength and by our "good" prayers but one who just wants us to come as we are?  Even my desire is dependent on Him... I know that I long to be fully His simply because He put that longing in me, and He will be the One who gives me the strength to follow Him.  Yes, in these areas of my life, I will have to cling to Him in desperation... But I will refuse to stop pursuing Him until He has completed His work in me.  Praise God that as Philippians says, the work that He began in us, He will bring to completion.  He is good, and I will wait for Him with confidence and eager expecation...